Stop approaching me, I could have rabies

Has anyone ever heard of don’t talk to strangers? You get a cookie, you get a cookie, you all get cookies!

Well, apparently it doesn’t apply to talking to me (I’m very good at being strange, I might add). I have been approached so many times for directions, to take photos, to watch laptops and just for a leisurely chat.

While I’ve been traveling Europe this has happened all over. I don’t even speak the language most of the time and I’ve still held entire conversations with just nods and smiles.

When I was in Spain an American woman ran up to me and asked me to take a photo of her and her friends “por favor”. I took the picture and she said slowly, “gracias” as if I was both deaf and/or Spanish? I just nodded and backed away slowly.

This has been going on for as long as I can remember. (Well, maybe after the braces and headgear were removed.) 

I graduated college in December, but before I finished I would study at one of the tables outside my school (so magical) but really I’d spend a lot of time in Chick-fil-a (bubble burst).

One time a guy asked me to watch his things and I agreed. Easy enough. He returned and asked if he could sit with me while he ate his lunch. I agreed. We got along and he asked if I’d want to meet for lunch on campus again. I agreed.

We met at Subway (romantic) (no, definitely not). In my naivete, I assumed we were hanging out to discuss literature like a dweeb. He thought we were on a date, to both our disappointments.  At the time of said accidental date, I was dating my current boyfriend, Nick (who also, I might add, encouraged me to make friends with this guy).

Basically, I told him about my family in Ireland, he told me about his lifelong dreams, he found out I didn’t want to go out with him and it blew up all over my footlong (no, that wasn’t a dirty joke, it was a Subway reference).

I kicked myself for talking to strangers and we parted ways. But the story doesn’t end there. I bumped into him a few months later at a cafe. I said hi, he said hi, and we both went along on our merry ways. Right? Wrong. He asked about my family in Ireland (aw what a nice guy) and when I planned to visit them.

Then, you guessed it, he asked me to make him a Tinder account. No? You didn’t guess that would happen? Neither did I!

He wanted me to make him dating profiles when I next visited my family in Ireland so he can start dating Irish chicks long distance. Are Irish fetishes a thing? Should I cover up my freckles and resort back to tanning lotion? (My middle school self-disagrees).

So this is when I finally learned my lesson and practiced my bitch face to no avail.

You may think, “Well, hey, that’s not fair. These people are just trying to be nice or you should take it as a compliment that you look so trusting.” Or maybe you’re thinking about asking the nice looking girl next to you to watch your things while you go to the bathroom. Jokes on you, it’s me. And I hate you.

But yes, I’ll watch your things because I’m so freaking nice.