I like to do this cute thing on a date where when the check is about to arrive I go to the bathroom so he can pay for me. It’s adorable.
I’m totally kidding Nick and I are going even stevens on this trip and I Venmo him half of everything. Sit down and put your pitchforks away. Though I do admire the feminist energy we have going. Let’s burn things! Ahh!
OK, starting over.
While Nick was taking care of the bill I went to find the bathroom because public restrooms in Europe are like good magicians, rare and usually there’s a fee (another great simile).
A man with a stomach ache rushed past me and slammed the one bathroom door behind him. How do I know he had a stomach ache? The length of time he spent in there that led me to a shameful moment just outside that very door.
An older woman stood in line with me and we made eye contact briefly. First mistake. She said something in French with a big smile on her face and I nodded and smiled back. Usually in situations where I mishear people I tend to play a mirror and basically replicate their body language.
It usually works. Usually.
She then went on to tell a joke. I could tell it was a joke because of her cadence and when she delivered the punchline she looked at me expectantly. I overdid it. I laughed at her joke. I belly laughed. I went over the top and she joined in. We were both laughing away like a couple of old friends and I had no freaking idea what she said.
At this point, I was in too deep. I knocked again on the bathroom door but did this man hurry? No, he did not. She asked me a question. I didn’t realize how obvious it was when someone asks a question, the last word lingered and her head leaned in for a response. I said “Oh wee, wee”.
That seemed to make her happy. I thought, oh god what have I agreed to? I strained to make eye contact with Nick across the restaurant. I mouthed “HELP ME!” to no avail.
I heard a flush on the other side and waited with my hand on the handle. He pushed through and I pulled the door behind me to safety.
Moral of the story: Don’t talk to strangers, especially sweet, French, old ladies who have a great sense of humor. Possibly.