When I boarded the plane that would take me from France to England I was blown away by a simple, “Hello”. Here were some of my initial thoughts when I was reunited with people who spoke the same language as me after several months:
- Oh, my god, I can understand what you’re saying
- Wow, very polite. Has everyone been this nice and I just couldn’t understand them?
- Everyone sounds like they’re putting on fake accents.
- Oh, you really do talk like that
- Stop doing British accents back at people they can tell you’re lying or impaired.
- Am I in an episode of the Crown?
- The British version of me is Susan from Narnia
This picture is of me when I was 15 and everyone started calling me Susan and it killed me because everything embarrasses you as a teenager, especially British look-alikes stealing your life. Secrets out: I actually starred in Narnia as a child actor. It’s all behind me now. - So I’m basically a queen
- French idiom in a travel magazine: “Butter wouldn’t melt,” apparently it means you’re attractive. Oh, the French and their butter. This was an unrelated thought but an idiom I do plan on using.
Once we landed in England we had to “cross the UK border”. We were then interrogated by a border office who looked like Ron Weasley’s dad. Here were some of his questions and the answers I wish I had given him if I wasn’t sweating profusely:
- Q: What is your relationship to each other?
- A: Nothing serious, strictly carnal
- Q: Do you know the immigration laws in Europe?
- A: Do you? You don’t sound very convincing.
- Q: Break down every country you’ve been to since arriving in Europe with dates and proof of tickets.
- A: Can I slip you some of my Pringles instead? JK I ate them all on the plane. I’m sorry.
I just have to say, I don’t respect people who take their job too seriously. I want someone who goes to work to simply eat the free food in the breakroom and doesn’t give a damn when they find out it’s actually Carol’s lunch. It’s more relatable.
Once we made it out on the other side we took a deep breath and the clock started ticking. We had three days in England and we were ready.
