Can I be honest? I’m freaking out a little and Oprah told me vulnerability is sexy.
Ok maybe she didn’t say that verbatim but you can’t quote Oprah directly or your soul will explode from too much goodness. Can you tell I’m freaking out?
I feel like a giraffe birthed from its mother. I fell five feet just to look up and stare into the heavens/vagina. And I’m like, what the hell just happened? And now everyone expects me to just stand up and walk around like everything is ok. It’s not ok! I was just metaphorically birthed out of a very tall vagina!
Nick said my metaphor is hardly helpful and this is why San Diego Zoo won’t hire me.
I started this blog a couple of weeks ago and I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like an old person when it comes to social media and all my friends are graduating soon and getting real adult jobs. I was clicking through a job search earlier and I had the option to apply to a company called, “Crazy Racoons” or “Dog & Rooster”. What is with all of these animal omens?
Being 22 is scary. Where’s my romantic comedy soundtrack that is lighthearted and makes the movie funny and not tragic?
My sister, Abigail, saved the day of course. She had to choose a famous person to write a biography on and she chose me. I was surprised mostly because the only thing I’m famous for is the one time I triple-dog-dared my crush in sixth grade to lick an ant pile. It’s never in your interest for me to be hot for you.
Straight from the interview packet itself:
- What was their first job? Her first job was at the local grocery store where she was sexually harassed incessantly. It was like the ‘what not to do’ version of an HR video.
- Did they marry? Did they have any children? Who are you, my mother?
- Where did they live? All over the freaking place, it was annoying and she never got her mail. But she was fine. Kinda. Except for that time when she may have lived in an illegal shack in someone’s backyard. Lots of cockroaches. Lots.
- What was life in their hometown or country like at this time? Pre or post Trump?
- How did they feel about life in their hometown or country? Pre or post Trump?
- How did they first become interested/involved in this area? Well, she owns a vagina. So… yeah. And she’s funny. Melanie is. Not the vagina. Well, maybe the vagina too. Those things get into trouble.
- When did they first become well known? I’ll keep you updated.
- What were the most difficult times? This interview.
- Life at the moment (if this person is still alive) Yes, she’s alive and kicking.
- Where is the person living now? Currently, couch surfing but in a glamorous way, not in a homeless way. There’s a difference.
- How old are they now? 22, but who’s counting? Taylor Swift. She’s always watching.
- What is their life like now? A hot mess. But more hot than messy.
- Later life (if the person is no longer living) I’m still alive. You’re scaring me.
Anyway, I’m proud to say Girls Aren’t Funny has had its first press coverage (in a sixth-grade classroom) (I’m expecting a call from her teacher):
Melanie had an idea in college and was hoping someone else would do it. No one did. So she stepped up and created a safe place on the internet for women. But sexier. So, Girls Aren’t Funny, a submission-based blog for humor essays, was born. Melanie said, “I noticed from a young age only the boys got to be the class clowns. There was this unspoken agreement that girls aren't funny,and this blog is here to combat this”. Melanie has been traveling around Europe with her boyfriend Nick, and writing about those… embarrassing moments such as when she started speaking broken Spanish to a Polish woman. In my opinion, these relatable stories (kind of), make her unique. So, right now she’s collaborating with other women who want to submit their own work. Here are a few things I think about Melanie. In my opinion Melanie is so full of energy and truly takes action. Nick said, “I think Melanie is very brave for starting this blog.She’s very passionate about her work and puts a lot of effort into it”. If you believe girls aren’t funny Melanie must be a guy. -Abigail Whyte