I’ve been feeling guilty lately because I promised myself I’d always post daily but that was a hefty goal so instead of posting I just swirled in a toilet of guilt. Is that visual enough? A toilet of guilt.
Nick and I’s amazing European adventure extravaganza has come to an end. We arrived in Phoenix, Arizona on Wednesday night. We’re staying with Nick’s parents while we figure out our lives. It’s just as terrifying as it sounds.
Arizona. In the summer. With no concrete plans.
On the plane home a guy in front of us had snuck a bottle of vodka onboard and almost finished it off before it was confiscated. He was so drunk he tried to get off the plane while we were still in the air.
Luckily he was so drunk he did a nose dive into a row of four people so he never actually made it to the door.
It felt like he was the physical representation of what I was feeling.
I’m trying to find my new normal. I feel like I’m in an indie film where the main character wanders around with indie theme music in the background while she feels indie and judges normal people doing normal things because she’s too damn indie for you. Except I’m way more judgmental.
I signed up for various gym classes. That’s a lie. I signed up for a free trial that I plan to cancel. I thought going to the gym would get me out of the house.
This morning when I couldn’t sleep due to jet lag I drove to the gym class I signed up for. It was a class based on pretending to surf. I’m not shitting you. They have surf boards glued to the floor and you paddle on them.
No one was there. I stood outside disappointed because I wasn’t going to get to pretend to surf. Then I went to the grocery store and bought smoothie supplies. I’m trying to be healthy or something.
I walked around and the store’s music was similar to elevator music and the old woman at the self check out yelled at me about not having a loyalty card. Everything felt surreal.
I feel like a dickhead. But I’m working on it.
It’s hard being funny when you just want to punch old ladies who work at grocery stores. It’s not her fault.
It’s hard being funny but I decided it’s better to post than to not post. This website is to prove woman are real, well rounded humans with flaws and all kinds of other shit.
So here I am. Naked and afraid*.
*Great show btw
If anyone else is out there feeling lost or confused about next steps for the love of god reach out to me*. I’m not too much of a dickhead to think I’m the only one who feels this way.
*Also if you have a job opportunity feel free to reach out to this witty writer. I heard she makes great smoothies.